Wake up and get over it!
To rise above the paradox of control, managers need to:
1. Become truly mindful about the automatic responses associated with their position. Control talk may be useful when dealing with colleagues competing for resources or the attention of senior management but is counterproductive for employees.
2. Consciously override the justifications for using control on their employees and focus on this critical statement:
Everybody knows you’re the manager so stop talking
and acting like one!
3. Mindfully manage themselves in the moment: When they feel the urge to ignore rather than connect; tell without first asking; talk more than listen; scowl more than smile – they need to pay attention. Their staff certainly is. They need to wake up and change from control to connect talk.
4. Be open to creating “emotional equality” with their employees; allowing themselves to be liked and trusted; and essentially communicating that we’re in this together and “your self is safe with me.”
Managers need to remember that they are still in charge so they can risk using the power of caring connection – which employees’ minds automatically seek – to power up their commitment to the work. This is how to communicate care:
C Create positive emotional connections. Use Connect talk to “manage by talking around.” Get to know your employees – make small talk, be friendly or at least courteous and respectful.
A Appreciate them for work done well. Compliments matter. Good work appreciated today will lead to better work tomorrow. Consider their ideas in your decision-making. It shows
R Respect and it builds
E Emotional equality and engagement in your process.